Showtunes in a Strip Joint
by Damned Lolita
Summary: This is all L's fault for not getting laid. So Light supposed he was going to end up doing it for him, apparently. Right now, Light blamed the karaoke, Matsuda, and the Fates. But it was worth it to try to have some fun, at any rate. ::L/Light::


(Wow. I finally wrote something for another fandom than Pokemon. Sheesh. Okay, so. Quick run-over, well, first Death Note fic, pure random L/Light fluff. Because it is hope and win and love. I don't know if I got everyone's characterization right, and if I didn't, I'm sorry, I'm still rather new to the Death Note thing. Bear with me.

The strip-joint idea, I credit my friend, Keeper for; I recommended the song in this fic, 'Love me Dead', by Ludo, and he replied that it sounded like 'Showtunes in a strip joint.' Pure genius. So, here you are, the twisted spawn of my mind. Enjoy!

Okay, I don't own Death Note, or 'Love Me Dead', both of which rich people making millions of dollars own. Okay?)

* * *

Light didn't believe it.

There was no way they could win this operation. This would most likely end in failure, and quite horribly in fact. There was no way that _anyone_ could ever pull it off.

"You're taking him _where!?" _He roared at Aizawa and Matsuda. The two agents shrugged. "...Well, it's a pretty high-end place, as these things go. And, most likely, outside of chick mags, this'll be the only time he's ever seen anyone of the female persuasion...unclothed, shall we say?" Matsuda offered. Light put his head in his hands.

A strip joint. They were taking L to a _strip joint. _

_THAT _L.

Light frowned. "Pardon my language, but how the fuck would you plan on getting him there? You'd have to drug him, or knock him out, or kidnap him..." Somehow, Light didn't think L was ever going willingly. Aizawa shrugged.

"Yeah...This is where you come in. We need a getaway car. So, would you chauffeur us there?" Light stared at the two of them.

Well, let's take our subject, a teenage boy. Faced with the choice of half-naked and then some women prancing around him, in exchange for L's eternal wrath, or not going and missing out on _strippers. _What. Will. He. Do?

"I'll get my keys!"

* * *

L, He-of-many-Aliases, was staring intently at a computer screen, focused only on searching for the next clue to Kira. So far, nothing. He sighed, and contemplated the quietness of the room...

"Sorry, sir!" Aizawa blustered apologetically, before grabbing L's arms. His eyes widened in shock, and he attempted to push away from the desk to kick him, but as he did, Matsuda grabbed his ankles.

"_What is going on!?" _He screamed, overcome with complete terror. When you're the world's most famous detective, well, you don't take this shit lightly.

"Nothing, sir. Just think of it as being like the Batcave; you can't know where we're taking you until you get there. Now quit screaming before we get arrested." Matsuda said in annoyance. L might've been scrawny, but he could fight like hell when he wanted to.

Light drummed his fingers impatiently on the steering wheel. Where we they? He wondered, observing the scenery of people rushing about the brightly-lit area. It wasn't like they had a lot to contend with...

"I HATE YOU!" L screamed, as Aizawa threw him in the backseat. Light practically jumped out of his skin, as L wailed and howled like a banshee. Matsuda threw himself into the passenger's side, and roared, "DRIVE!" Light floored the car, and in a burst of rubber and smoke, they were out of there as if a grizzly was on their asses.

"I'll kill you!" L seethed. Light grinned, and said cheerily, "Cheer up, whiny. We're taking you somewhere fun." L pouted in the backseat, something horribly unlike him.

"...That's what they say in all the _movies. _And then they kill the guy." Light ignored him, and followed Matsuda's directions for a bit. All the while, L observed his surroundings intently, blinking owlishly when he saw something particularly interesting, such as a sweets shop, or a suspicious looking person that, in his terror-induced paranoia, probably though was Kira out to kill him.

Light groaned, and stared up at the sign. The place was spray-painted neon pink, and the door was lime green. It was enough to make a color-blind person's eyes bleed. "_The Lusty Lady; SeXXXy girls and Karaoke? _Matsuda, I thought you said this place was _high-end!" _He said, trying not to scream. Matsuda blinked, obviously surprised as well.

"...Well, my friend said it was. Said it was a good place, too." Light huffed angrily, and steered into the parking lot.

"...If this is what your friend calls high-end, I'd love to see what he considers low-class." He grumbled, glaring at L. "Dammit, if you could just get yourself laid, we wouldn't _be here!" _L took no notice of this fact, merely stared at the sweets shop he could see from outside his window.

"You could do it for him." Aizawa offered. Light swiveled on the spot, and stared at Aizawa, mouth agape. Even L snapped out of his trance, and gazed at Aizawa murderously.

"...I won't dignify that with an answer." Light snapped, turning away and striding towards the entrance. Aizawa and Matsuda turned to each other as soon as Light was out of earshot.

"_He didn't deny it!" _Both squealed in unison, reminiscent more of teenage girls than men.

Oh yes, the night was young. And the men were stupid. And did I mention they were at a strip club?

Worst. Idea. Ever.

* * *

L stared haplessly at the scene inside the club. "...I can't believe they brought me here." He whispered solemnly. Frankly, most of these women did absolutely _nothing _for him. After all, they had been so surgically enhanced that the likelihood of you getting more plastic than skin was a pretty decent percentage. To him, they were more doll than woman, which unnerved him slightly.

Some girls eyed him with amusement; others, sheer amazement. He was nothing like most guys who came here; he looked about as interested in them as he would be in a passing car. An unusual feeling for most of these girls, whose job description basically made sure they were stared at. Add his outfit and the bags under his eyes, and you have one strange customer.

One girl tentatively approached him. Her dark brown hair was about shoulder length, and her arms were covered in goose-bumps, though whether that was from the cold or her anxiety, L didn't know. "Um... hi. My name's Kitten, and I—" L turned to her, and his face softened. He raised a hand, and she flinched, afraid of some invisible psychological foe. He frowned, and shoved it back in his pocket.

"Don't mind me." He said quietly. "I'm just here because my friends kidnapped me." Kitten smiled. He had actually spoken a comprehensive and decent sentence to her, which, again, was rather rare. She bowed her head.

"I see... so, you're not having fun?" L shrugged. "Are you?" Kitten's face froze. She stared up at him incredulously. "...Uh, no. Not really." L sighed, and jerked a thumb in Matsuda's direction. The poor man was incredibly horrified, and obviously had no clue what to do.

"Neither is he. Care to join him?" She smiled, and rushed off, skirt flapping in the barely-there breeze. L sighed, and went to get a drink. Nothing alcoholic, but a coke sounded nice right about now...

He caught a glimpse of Light. The beautiful boy was fending off about eight girls, and L felt a twinge of jealousy. He stopped for a minute, and rolled that word around in his head, letting it collect thoughts, and get bigger and bigger. _Jealousy. _

He was jealous because they were hitting on _Light. _

He slapped himself lightly, just to make sure he wasn't in a waking dream. It stung, and, wincing, he had to deduce he'd actually thought that.

L ordered the coke, and nursed it quietly, staring at Light. He was quite beautiful, to be completely honest. So much so that he became a _concept _of beauty, rather than an effect of glorious loveliness.

Light looked across at him, and his eyes widened slightly. He said something quietly to the girl next to him, and he headed over casually, signaling for a coke with rum, and then quietly sat down by L. His eyes searched L's face, casually looking him over, but L knew better.

Besides cool calculation, there was a hint of concern in his eyes. L almost smiled, but that would've ruined everything. Besides, let him squirm. It was always more fun that way.

"You okay?" Light asked, sipping at his drink, all the while keeping his eyes trained on L. He shrugged, and drew himself up into his crouch. "I suppose. I think I may have found Matsuda a girlfriend, as well." Light grinned, and looked over at Matsuda, who was happily chatting with Kitten; though, one could also say the two were sandwiched together tight enough to have been vacuum-sealed in place. L snickered.

"Well, I'm not exactly... thrilled. I mean, I just feel kind of awkward here. I can think of a few things I'd rather be doing, can't you?" Light said, swirling the drink around, watching the ice crash into each other hurriedly. L nodded.

"Well, there's always karaoke." He stated flatly, though a smile had blossomed on his face. Light stared at him incredulously, as if he had just been slapped. "...Excuse me?" He managed to choke out. L grinned, and drained the last of his coke.

"Let's go serenade some strippers."

* * *

Light was pretty sure that he must've gotten the straight up coke. L must've had the spiked one, because there was no other explanation for what was taking place. Other than L finally cracking, which, if you thought a bit, was pretty likely.

The karaoke machine was rusted and decrepit; however, with some choice curses, and a few well-placed kicks, L had it working in no time. He checked the playlist, and frowned. "Nothing here... oh, wait, here's another disc. This one seems decent. C'mon, Light, have some fun!" A weird sort of metamorphosis had come over L, and to be honest, it was freaking Light out.

Everyone at this point had come over to gape at the two. "...Um. Hi?" Light waved self-consciously out to the crowd. There were a few snickers, and Light burned red. Oh, he was going to _murder _Matsuda.

Without him realizing, L had began singing, apparently. It was only when L yanked him from behind, and spun Light around to face him, did he realize what was going on.

"_She moves through moonbeams slowly..." _Light felt like he recognized this song; Sayu had it playing on the radio a couple of days ago, but that wasn't important. What was rather important was the fact that L had begun winding his arms around Light's waist.

What was also important to Light at the moment was _keeping _them there. So he opened his mouth, and in a slightly nasally voice sang, "_She knows just how to hold me," _And L, taking this as a cue, pulled Light close to him. Light knew he should pull away, but it was just a thing between friends, right?

...Though that hungry look L had in his eyes right now wasn't friendly, per se; it was more, "If we weren't in public, I would ravish you at about oh, say, _right now." _

And Light didn't mind.

"_And when her edges soften..." _L whispered, and laid a hand on Light's shoulder, and looking up at him questioningly. He damn well knew this wasn't exactly right. Or expected, or fill-in-the-blank. But who cared?

I mean, he was a freaking _serial killer, _who was going to stop him?

"_Her body is my coffin..." _And with that, L took his cue, and smashed his lips almost painfully against Light's. He kissed like a dehydrated man starving for water; getting at whatever he could reach.

The crowd stared in amazement. Matsuda and Aizawa were both cheering hysterically, finding this both funny and the tiniest bit disturbing.

The two were still killing frantically on stage, and the song seemed to agree with them, continuing to play its lovesong gone wrong.

It seemed like five years, but according to the clock, it was only about a minute before the two broke up. Light grinned shyly at L. L's face split into a giant, eerily Cheshire-Cat-esque grin.

"Well, it doesn't seem like we need to be here. Wouldn't want to get distracted by the girls, would we?" L said, grabbing Light's hand.

"...I didn't know you were gay." Light managed to choke out. L raised his eyebrow.

"I hardly thought that you, the genius Light-kun, would be either." Light sputtered, "But, but, I mean, I'm not, but I'm... with you, and then, uh, you..." L shook his head.

"Light-kun, it doesn't matter right now. We'll discuss sexuality, our future, and how we will go about handling this later. For now, I have about three months of sexual tension to settle with you." Light grinned, and hand-in-hand, the two strolled out of the club, yelling for Matsuda and Aizawa to hurry up and move.

"I got a girl's number! A _hot _girl's number!" Matsuda shrieked hysterically. "Kitten." Light snickered. Matsuda groaned, and shrugged.

"Who cares?" He snuck a glance at both Light and L, sitting in the front of the car. "And I don't think you can talk, Yagami." The two said nothing, but it had to be noted that Light sped out of there, and braked fast, casing Matsuda to be flung forward in the car.

L snickered. "That wasn't nice, Light-kun." Light shrugged. "Eh." The two rode the detectives home in relative silence and celibacy.

"Do you think we should go to your house, Light-kun?" L suggested. Light shook his head.

"Back to the headquarters." L chuckled, and they sped forward. "You are cruel." Light grinned at him, and once they got there, had to admit, this would make tomorrow quite interesting.

As they tried to unlock the door and make out at the same time, Light giggled into the kiss. L pulled away and quirked an eyebrow. "Something wrong?" Light began laughing.

"It's nothing... But did you notice that we got together at a strip club, of all places?" L shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Now shut up and kiss me."

And Light did. Gladly.


End file.
